Valediction

I’m sure you have seen people wandering through their own heaven of love. I myself have seen people around my age blossoming with their own love life. But never me
The strangest thing about it is that I should be jealous seeing that. It’s just the behavior of mankind. Ones fortunes envy others. But as for me, I have never been jealous over love, even though I am a loner. And there is only one reason responsible for that.

He is some person whom I have met on an internet chat room. We became good friends and my feelings for him eventually evolved into love. (Yes, you have guessed that right, I’m gay). He didn’t know about it then. We met, talked, and indeed, we did have sex. All of it happened in many months, although it seemed like a few days.

I was very happy because I thought he loved me. But when I talked him about it, he gave me an answer that made me fell like I’d been struck with lightning. I still talked to him, that then we was still friends. He rejected me, but still I had hope. I believed that his rejection was just because he had plans to start a marriage, long before he even met me. And I believed that he still loved me.

A few days a go we met online. And knowing that I still loved him, he once again broke my heart. This time, he told me that he thinks that he is in love with a porn star that he saw on the internet. I understand that falling in love with someone has nothing to do with me, after all, its his choice to live with whom he loves. But I believe that he made a mistake of breaking me. And that I have made a mistake of loving someone who doesn’t even love me at all/

Now, I am much more relieved to simply lead myself all alone instead of wasting all my life trying to grasp on something that could never be mine. So, I’m just going to make a change for the better. A vow that I will keep till the very end of my life:

I will never fall in love again